Unrequited, Unrefuted, and Undeniably - I'm Alone.

by 156/Silence

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01:56

about

Recorded with Matt Very at Very Tight Recordings.

credits

released November 7, 2015

156/Silence is:
Michael Ernst - Vocals
Jimmy Howell - Guitar/Vocals
Evan Wall - Guitar/Vocals
Aleks Pihl - Bass/Vocals
Zac Dranko - Drums/Vocals

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156/Silence Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania

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Track Name: Don't Leave Until I'm Asleep
And I’ll say sorry for the things I didn’t say
And you’ll remind me it never mattered anyway

A lifetime of distress: “You may not live long”
Too young to prosper, too old to hide the outcome
“Stay strong, fight hard, stay positive”
That’s what you always told me and I’ll always live by it

Months turned to weeks and I knew it would soon be days when I got to finally see you. I looked back at the trail of red “x’s” to get an idea of how long it’s been, and how happy I am for this day to finally come. But then you broke the news to me that the results came back a little different from expected and you told me how you were a little less than ecstatic. One could understand what you were going through but when the words “I feel like giving up” came out of your lips I felt like you opened up a hole inside my heart. Coming from the person who always talked about strength, it hurt me to see you in the defeated grip of negativity

But I’ll wait for you behind those doors with open arms (and I’ve seen all there is to see)
And I’ll wait for you, Just another chance to hold you close (and I dreamt all there was to dream)
And I’ll wait for you behind those doors with open arms (and I’ll wait… I’ll still wait for you)
Oh I’ll wait for you… Just another chance…
And I’ll wait for you

Chin up, chin up, you got this! Just another fight you fought before
There is no chance to give up, you have too many dreams to take
Chin up, chin up, you got this! Just another day you have to live
Just think of everything you have yet to see

I’ll hold on to everything you ever said to me
I’ll hold on to all of your memories
Track Name: Surviving Such One-sided Consequences
So many months invested, so many breaths left wasted
Conflicting thoughts leave me alone

Too many conversations have led me down a path I thought I knew too well

I thought this time was different, I thought this time was something real
It seems like I was meant to live through disappointment… and despair
As if it’s commonality

I won’t act as if I’m not phased by this
Too many times left stranded with only my thoughts

Wait for the disappointment, I know it’s coming
This is the part where all else fails
Keep your eyes peeled, you can see the struggle

I stand around hopeless and alone, and I pray that maybe this time will be different… maybe this time there might actually be something worth celebrating. I’ve let my guard down one too many times just to take a knife to the chest, but with you I can see there’s no weapons to be drawn. Call it intuition, call it hope, call it as you will but there’s something there that I can see and there’s something there that tells me “you’re safe, don’t worry”. So I let my guard down and let you in, I left my heart exposed only to find out that you didn’t need the knife after all. Your words were powerful enough to send my heart into a million pieces and made me feel a pain I never knew existed

A pain I thought I felt once before but only just now realized it’s nothing like what you made me feel right now. So lay me out on the stretcher but this time leave the oxygen unplugged because I'd rather just feel this pain as I drift to sleep

In my hallucination filled fantasy of oxygen lacked impulses I'll still manage to think back to a time when we were both happy and try to force that smile on my face. The one you loved so much... and I know it will pain you to see it as I walk out that door

This was something real... this was something different… and I won’t forget you... and I won't forget you
Track Name: Wading in an Almost Empty Pool, Imagining As If It’s the Ocean
A long night erosion from standing in front of the mirror trying to define this fine line of judgement and peer pressure

I can no longer find my balance, this false sense of composure isn’t making any progress
Always reaching for a hand that is all imagination
Grasping for affection that exists inside my head

And I’m always standing alone

Look at these couples, they flood the street
Look at their hands, they're coupling
This pheromonal atmosphere is suffocating me as I search for redemption... As I search for recovery

The truth is I’m standing alone
And I hope this is almost over

And what does it mean when I say that I’ve come clean?
I’ve turned myself inside out so please just help me figure out who I was.. who I'm suppose to be
And I'll warn you: There's things you'll see that will make you so disappointed in me

And I see these demons that are tearing me in two
As I'm struggling to stand on my own two feet
Please just help me figure out who I could be and tell me what I need as I'm losing ground

And it's hard to say that I'm not ok
And it's hard to say that I need help
And it's hard to say that I'm not ok, but I will be one day
Track Name: Apathy as an Understatement
I aspire (I’ve tried to describe all the) to be all you need (struggles built deep inside)
But what have (but…) you done to me? (what have you done to me?)
The way I breathe (I’ve screamed loud enough) is staggered (Yet no one hears my calls)
Gasping for more

Gasping for more than sustainability
It’s never enough
It’s never (It’s never enough)

And I’m torn asunder (I aspire to be all you need)
As you drag me under your expectations (But what have you done to me?)
Maniacally devising my demise (Waiting for my chance to prove you wrong)
What I wouldn’t give to feel myself again
Track Name: Manifest this Destiny, For Our Love was Once Lost
I’ve lived at the lowest point where no human should ever go
Tested my weight in the water to see if I hit the bottom
Look up, pitch black, except for a light I mistook for you: my guardian angel

I’ve reached up my hands so many times to have you deny my plea for help
I’ve changed and I’ll prove it
I’ve changed, let me prove it

Wishful thinking was a curse, a plague to my thoughts
I lost sense of how I need to fix this
It seems you were a challenge, an obstacle
Training me to be the best I ever could be

I held hope to the highest standards you showed me
Failure wasn’t an option I could cope...

With these two hands I’ll be sure to protect you
With these two hands I promise to protect you

We proved that this was something different
We proved that this was something real
To prove to others that they were wrong
They were wrong, how we told them “we told you so”
Oh how they were all wrong

Take my hand and lead me to the exit
We need to leave, I need to celebrate

Come with me, my darling, we need to hurry to our happy ending that books have promised us
Come with me, my darling, we need to hurry to the end of this chapter of our lives